Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Friday, November 6, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Well done Ahab
When the morally right and spiritually cleansing moments make less interesting tales.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Windows that don't blow!
So I got the upstairs windows replaced this week.
Third biggest single expense of my life, but its a relief.
The old ones were aluminum and sweat badly, meaning so poor at energy conservation that in the winter time, it had condensation so bad that i had ice built up all along the bottom of the window. Like inch thick ice. Inside the house. Messed up.
So the new ones are awesome, but not in a way that translates in a photo, just in their clarity, smooth operation, and energy conservation.
Anyway, I will tell you the part I will always remember about the install process. A family operation did the install, the team leader/father has been doing it for thirty years, has long hippie gray/blond hair, and seriously three teeth in his mouth. He was pretty funny unintentionally but knew what the hell he was doing. But the best part was when he would call to his wife for some tool that he needed fetched.
Each window took a whole tube of silicon caulk to seal it on the inside and outside, which means they went through ten - twelve tubes of caulk.
Whenever he ran out, he would lean out the window and just yell "Jerrie! I need caulk! JERRIE! I SAID I NEED CAULK!"
Now if you don't know why this is funny just say it aloud once. Go ahead. You know the "L" is silent right?
Get it now?
I challenge you to yell it aloud in your neighborhood hanging out your window at 9 in the morning.
The first time made me laugh, the second a chuckle again, and the third I was cringing a bit.
Anyway here are some pics even if it doesn't show much.
Also here is a new plant in the garden: Chatahochie Phlox
And the first blooming of a Maiden's Blush Lilac I planted last year. Smells divine!
That's funny, I just realized I also have Helena's Blush Euphorbia. I wouldn't be surprised if I had another blush of some kind in the garden!
Third biggest single expense of my life, but its a relief.
The old ones were aluminum and sweat badly, meaning so poor at energy conservation that in the winter time, it had condensation so bad that i had ice built up all along the bottom of the window. Like inch thick ice. Inside the house. Messed up.
So the new ones are awesome, but not in a way that translates in a photo, just in their clarity, smooth operation, and energy conservation.
Anyway, I will tell you the part I will always remember about the install process. A family operation did the install, the team leader/father has been doing it for thirty years, has long hippie gray/blond hair, and seriously three teeth in his mouth. He was pretty funny unintentionally but knew what the hell he was doing. But the best part was when he would call to his wife for some tool that he needed fetched.
Each window took a whole tube of silicon caulk to seal it on the inside and outside, which means they went through ten - twelve tubes of caulk.
Whenever he ran out, he would lean out the window and just yell "Jerrie! I need caulk! JERRIE! I SAID I NEED CAULK!"
Now if you don't know why this is funny just say it aloud once. Go ahead. You know the "L" is silent right?
Get it now?
I challenge you to yell it aloud in your neighborhood hanging out your window at 9 in the morning.
The first time made me laugh, the second a chuckle again, and the third I was cringing a bit.
Anyway here are some pics even if it doesn't show much.
Also here is a new plant in the garden: Chatahochie Phlox
And the first blooming of a Maiden's Blush Lilac I planted last year. Smells divine!
That's funny, I just realized I also have Helena's Blush Euphorbia. I wouldn't be surprised if I had another blush of some kind in the garden!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
More Onion
More American Workers Outsourcing Own Jobs Overseas
I actually get asked at the market if I have a little Asian woman or Indian child doing my weaving for me.
It's of course a joke to them, but the fact that it even exists as a joke is because its true often enough with today's market.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Media Pandemic
The only thing traveling faster than the virus is the news in the media about the virus, which is of course how it should be, but it's getting tiresome.You did your job. You notified people. Now find something else to report before you create hypochondriacs out of otherwise normal healthy people.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Who knew Bangkok was so advanced?
I was pretty lost until I realized I had all the time in the world to figure out the Bangkok street system. Now I will enjoy much fun.
photo source: engrishfunny.com
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Yet more market weirdos
I don't generally try to keep track of the weird things people suggest that I should do with my art. It's something, as an artist, I've gotten used to, that the public likes to look at your work and say "oh, you know what you should do!" As if what you're doing isn't really worth all that and could be better if it had their favorite sports teams colors or the name of their baby on it.
Sometimes they will have an interesting idea, but only a handful of times is it both a good idea and something I am interested in pursuing (these ideas coming almost exclusively from other artists I know and respect).
The majority of the time, its something that makes me question the value of peoples brains and the thoughts within them.
Such as the doozy that I got today.
A tall man with a fanny pack and pony tail (this is not going well for him already) was very kind when he actually asked "can I give you an idea?" I was pleased with his graciousness since, as stated above, it usually comes out of the mouth with a squeal of great pleasure of their own genius, along with a tiny bit of spittle. But this man kind of leaned back, put his finger to his mouth in thought, kept a few seconds for dramatic pause, then announced:
"Swimsuits."
-
-
I beg your pardon?
"Swimsuits! You should make these things you have into swimsuits."
I then explaned how that would be impossible because that I am not actually making fabric here and that the thread I use needs some sort of hard base to wrap around. He leaned back again, looked around, obviously in hard thought, but not confusion. He then informed me that he once saw a bikini made out of guitar picks.
...
Okay you've got me there, I must take back my statement that it's an impossibility, I'm sorry. Yes, I could attach multiple pieces of my work to each other into some kind of form that a person could slip on. But why would I want to? What would posses someone to wear it? And why a swimsuit? I mean my work doesn't exactly lend itself to the thought "oh I really want to immerse this in water!!" No.. No that would be bad. Thank you creepy fanny pack man for showing me your seedy obsession.
He took my card and said he might get in touch with me to get this project going.
Please don't.
Oh I almost forgot! I also got the oddest, most backhanded compliment today. And what makes it worse, is that its the second time I've heard it.
Someone told me that my work looks like something that someone who was incarcerated would make.
Seriously!?! I was told my work looked like prison art a few years back and I've always told people it was the weirdest thing, and now I got it again!?!? WTF
I mean, you're telling me that it looks like work done by murderers, drug addicts, and rapists? Or is it just that my work looks like a form of punishment for those people?
I think it's just an odd offshoot of the comment I get alot "You must have a lot of time on your hands."
Yeah, its just my full time job is all. Look at the crazy artist honey! Give him some bread, see if he talks!
Fuckin Zoo down there.
Sometimes they will have an interesting idea, but only a handful of times is it both a good idea and something I am interested in pursuing (these ideas coming almost exclusively from other artists I know and respect).
The majority of the time, its something that makes me question the value of peoples brains and the thoughts within them.
Such as the doozy that I got today.
A tall man with a fanny pack and pony tail (this is not going well for him already) was very kind when he actually asked "can I give you an idea?" I was pleased with his graciousness since, as stated above, it usually comes out of the mouth with a squeal of great pleasure of their own genius, along with a tiny bit of spittle. But this man kind of leaned back, put his finger to his mouth in thought, kept a few seconds for dramatic pause, then announced:
"Swimsuits."
-
-
I beg your pardon?
"Swimsuits! You should make these things you have into swimsuits."
I then explaned how that would be impossible because that I am not actually making fabric here and that the thread I use needs some sort of hard base to wrap around. He leaned back again, looked around, obviously in hard thought, but not confusion. He then informed me that he once saw a bikini made out of guitar picks.
...
Okay you've got me there, I must take back my statement that it's an impossibility, I'm sorry. Yes, I could attach multiple pieces of my work to each other into some kind of form that a person could slip on. But why would I want to? What would posses someone to wear it? And why a swimsuit? I mean my work doesn't exactly lend itself to the thought "oh I really want to immerse this in water!!" No.. No that would be bad. Thank you creepy fanny pack man for showing me your seedy obsession.
He took my card and said he might get in touch with me to get this project going.
Please don't.
Oh I almost forgot! I also got the oddest, most backhanded compliment today. And what makes it worse, is that its the second time I've heard it.
Someone told me that my work looks like something that someone who was incarcerated would make.
Seriously!?! I was told my work looked like prison art a few years back and I've always told people it was the weirdest thing, and now I got it again!?!? WTF
I mean, you're telling me that it looks like work done by murderers, drug addicts, and rapists? Or is it just that my work looks like a form of punishment for those people?
I think it's just an odd offshoot of the comment I get alot "You must have a lot of time on your hands."
Yeah, its just my full time job is all. Look at the crazy artist honey! Give him some bread, see if he talks!
Fuckin Zoo down there.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
more market weirdos
If anyone doubts that our emotional responses to specific yet subtle differences in exterior stimuli don't have big psychological differences I pose this to you:
At the market, I have a business card with multiple contact options including my personal cell number. I give out all kinds of information about myself and my product on an hourly basis to anyone who asks, and even to many who don't ask. All this access to semi-private/communal information is not all that distressing once done thousands of times
However when a lady who walks into my booth does not make eye contact with me and goes to my business card and begins to audibly speak my name and phone number and email and such while writing all this down into a notebook, then leaves, without having even acknowledged that I even existed.... well that is a might bit disconcerting!
Oh well. When you start to wonder about your co-workers, just feel glad you don't work with the public. And if you do work with the public - I'm sorry. We are weirdos.
At the market, I have a business card with multiple contact options including my personal cell number. I give out all kinds of information about myself and my product on an hourly basis to anyone who asks, and even to many who don't ask. All this access to semi-private/communal information is not all that distressing once done thousands of times
However when a lady who walks into my booth does not make eye contact with me and goes to my business card and begins to audibly speak my name and phone number and email and such while writing all this down into a notebook, then leaves, without having even acknowledged that I even existed.... well that is a might bit disconcerting!
Oh well. When you start to wonder about your co-workers, just feel glad you don't work with the public. And if you do work with the public - I'm sorry. We are weirdos.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Just in case...
So just in case you ever thought you were "out of the loop" as it goes - maybe you just found out what "twittering" was, or that you still don't know what this FaceBook thingy is all about - worry not, for I met someone today more lost than you or I!
A vendor at the Sat. Market was talking to me about fairly normal everyday conversational things when she told me about a "new" restaurant called McMenamin's (which for all you non-natives around my parts is a Portland mainstay with maybe ten very popular restaurants around) where, and here's the kicker - has something called a "Happy Hour" (and she gave this mimed bunny ears in person) where before dinner time you can get cheap beer and little appitizer like plates of food!
-
-
!
Seriously!?
There was no indication that she was pulling my leg, or that this was some sort of brilliantly subltle sarcasm. In fact she told me that she has been telling all of her tourist customers to go there tonight to experience it first hand.
I asked her how well she was doing today.
Not too well was her response. The customers just aren't that willing to part with their money...
hmmmm. you don't say.
the people I work around.. sheesh.
at least they make me feel like I have a life in comparison.
A vendor at the Sat. Market was talking to me about fairly normal everyday conversational things when she told me about a "new" restaurant called McMenamin's (which for all you non-natives around my parts is a Portland mainstay with maybe ten very popular restaurants around) where, and here's the kicker - has something called a "Happy Hour" (and she gave this mimed bunny ears in person) where before dinner time you can get cheap beer and little appitizer like plates of food!
-
-
!
Seriously!?
There was no indication that she was pulling my leg, or that this was some sort of brilliantly subltle sarcasm. In fact she told me that she has been telling all of her tourist customers to go there tonight to experience it first hand.
I asked her how well she was doing today.
Not too well was her response. The customers just aren't that willing to part with their money...
hmmmm. you don't say.
the people I work around.. sheesh.
at least they make me feel like I have a life in comparison.
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